Once a Week, But Never Weakly
by Nick Coston, OOH Media Buyer, Agent & Humorist
“Don’t Yell Usher in a Crowded Elevator”
Did you ever notice how billboard people will talk to anyone? At anytime, no matter where? Take the Unsinkable Kathy Henry for instance. Many of us worked with Kathy at the end of her career while she was still making quotas as a Clear Channel Outdoor rep. Nobody but nobody could out talk Kathy. And they still can’t, not even me. She’s still talking, right now as I write. Still lighting up everybody’s day with classic billboard stories from the 97 different markets she worked in over her 97 year career.
OK, I embellish just a bit. But Kathy was, and still is the all-time leader in words ever spoken among people in our industry. She is the Tom Brady of chatter, leading by at least two to one. And of course that’s what made her one of the finest and most successful local advertising sales people in our biz.
But Kathy Henry is only a bit player in this story. You see, Kathy’s ability to bring up a conversation with virtually anyone who had a pulse definitely rubbed off on me. Still does.
So while on a combination market ride and family vacation, which most of our trips in the last 15 years have been, my two kids and I we’re waiting for the Mickey bus to take us to the Magic Kingdom from our resort hotel in Orlando.
But my inner Kathy kicked in as I lost track of where the bus was because I was chatting away with one of the many fine valets. He asked me if I would mind that he tell my two children a little secret. I said sure go ahead. So he walked up to both kids, looks like he said a few lines to them and their face is lit up and they’re all excited but of course they were not allowed to tell me. He proceeded to wave down one of the Hotel limos who took pity on chatty daddy and dropped us off at the entrance to the Magic Kingdom.
I figured the valet just told the kids that hey your dad talks too much I just had to get away from him, but whatever they seem pretty happy.
Later on when we returned from a very hot Easter Sunday when the park got so busy they had to close down anyone else coming in, my kids were smart enough to realize that the fancy resort hotel was way more inviting than wall-to-wall Disney World. So upon returning to the resort we met up with our neighbors who were coincidentally visiting the area and came by the hotel to hang out.
I noticed the kids got together and were whispering about something and then decided to runoff on a reconnaissance mission around the hotel. When they came back I asked my breathless ones what they are up to.
They said “hey dad, remember when the nice man who got us the limo took us aside and told us some thing?”
So that alone scared me but I said go ahead tell me what he said. Apparently he wasn’t supposed to tell anyone but he asked my kids if they had ever heard of the singer/composer Usher. Yes, that Usher. They said of course we have we all know who Usher is. He then said no matter what don’t tell your “chatty father this but Usher is staying at the hotel tonight, you might just see him walking around”. But he also told him don’t tell anyone because he could lose his job, especially don’t tell Kathy Henry.
OK I made that last line up.
So off went six kids floor by floor hoping to hear Usher maybe singing in the shower or something like that.
Of course they never found him, maybe it was just a friendly joke by the valet, and by 10:30 the littlest one fell asleep in the lounge and we decided that would be the end of the evening. Once the kids were tucked into place my wife and I decided to go back down to the bar, have a nightcap and talk some more. After all we’re billboard people, dammit, and we talk until we pass out. I even brought a cigar with me since we were going to sit outside.
On the way to the elevator I mentioned to my wife “did you know the kids were told that Usher is staying in our hotel tonight and were running around looking for him? They even got in trouble with the hotel security.”
She said “well if he’s here he’s not gonna just show up and get in an elevator with us, so don’t hold your breath.”
We got in the elevator, pressed the lobby button. Two floors later it stopped. In walked a very large, athletic man, no smile. He looked at my wife and I, looked at me a second time, rolled his eyes and signaled to the two people standing in the hallway to come on in.
My wife’s face lit up and all she could say is “hey, I know who you are.” And there, standing all of 5 foot 8, dressed as if he was going to go run a marathon, was Usher.
Yep, that Usher.
He smiled at both of us and asked how we were doing on this lovely night. My wife answered right away as her inner Kathy Henry took over. “We just put the kids to sleep, they’ve been looking for you all day long and were exhausted. So we’re going downstairs to have a late night drink. Would you like to join us?”
After an uncomfortable chuckle, Usher wished us an enjoyable evening and that it was his time of night to go use the gym, since there wouldn’t be anyone in it and he didn’t want to be disruptive. What a nice guy.
The elevator door opened, there was another security man waiting and the Usher entourage exited. On his way through the elevator doors this famous, friendly performer took a quick glance my way and said “enjoy that smoke.”
Usher had out Kathy Henried me.
Once we are alone again in the elevator we broke out laughing. We told the kids the next morning who we ran into and to this day they have not forgiven us.
Which once again brings me back to one of the basics of being in our industry and why billboard experts like the Kathy Henry’s of the world are so successful.
Never, ever stop talking.
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