Of Moghuls and Mocktails
Of Moghuls and Mocktails
OOH …Here’s One Thing
by Jim Johnsen
The world seems to be obsessed with mocktails of late. As in all the calories without the hangover (or the buzz). What happened to the James Bond days of straight up medium dry shaken not stirred?
In any event, I thought I would provide some interesting deal slang so you can sound like a deal moghul at your next mocktail party. Here they are, in reverse David Letterman order. Feel free to email if you would like further explanation:
- Deal Junkie (attribution Arte Moreno). Arte was a self proclaimed deal junkie. He loved doing deals. He loved finding them, analyzing them, negotiating them, financing them and closing them. There have been many deal junkies in many industries from the dawn of the industrial revolution to the present. My guess is that their will be deal junkies till the end of time.
- Mad at their money (attribution John Clements). When JC was try to get the price of a deal down (which was a common occurrence) he used to say…”man that guy must have been mad at his money because what he built is a piece of merde.” This was another way of saying that whoever he was referring to spent money stupidly.
- Cash flow has no conscience (attribution Steve Dinetz). Steve bought a couple restroom advertising businesses. In the throws of closing, he said “cash flow has no conscious”, meaning the cash flow from one business is just as good as the cash flow from another. While it sounded good…Im not so sure all these years later that I agree with him.
- That’s a dollar pushing a nickel (attribution Sean Reilly). While I never asked Sean directly what he meant when he said that, I have always assumed that was a very creative way of saying that the business was low profitability. Or that one had to work hard to make very little profit.
- Crawfishing (attribution John Stanley). When someone tried the ole bait and switch during during deal negotiations, John would always say “that guy is crawfishing”. For those that doesn’t know (I didn’t until told), crawfish tend to walk backwards when cornered.
- Fill or Kill (attribution Mike Freedman). Mike ever the consummate deal guy, never had much patience for the “theater”, another deal term, and would much rather get right to the point. He would often say just give me a number and I will tell you whether I will fill it or kill it.
- Get the couch (attribution Dennis Brush). I have to admit that I learned many of my investment banking skills from Dennis Brush. He was forever reverse engineering people’s brains. In times of deal strive, when the client seemed like they were going to jump off a bridge because of the stress involved in trying to get a deal done, he would say “get the couch”, meaning put on your psychologist hat and figure out how to talk the client throw it.
- Dumpster fire (attribution Gabe Oliverio). When a Company is mortally wounded and beyond repair and still comes to market for a sale.
- The tipping point (attribution Steve Fretty). For anyone who has done a deal (or closed a sale for that matter), there is that sweet moment when both parties are vested to the point that it would be much harder to pull up stakes and run than it would to close a deal.
- You can’t microwave a souffle. (Attribution me). Deals take time. They take preparation, clear definition of goals and priorities, strategic planning on approach and precise execution. Skip a step or try to rush a step and the consequences could be fatal. Need money tomorrow? You’d be better served taking your local banker to lunch then rushing a “quick sale”. Even if you are successful in a quick sale, there will be price and terms ramifications.
Bonus. Time kills deals. (Attribution one smart guy). Yes seems to contradict 10. But really it counter balances 10. It says don’t rush but do always make it first priority and always do everything in your power to keep it constantly moving forward.
Speaking of “The Times They Are A-Changin” (thanks for that one Bob Dylan, who grew up in Hibbing MN btw) what ever happened to the days of the Beat Generation…or the days of American Graffiti…or the days of the Preppy Generation…or the Saturday Night Fever Generation…or the Gross Point Blank Generation…
I guess every generation coming of age thinks they “own it”. So in the interest of giving you a little levity with your mocktail, I had the opportunity to spend the week with my kids on vacation and learned a whole new lexicon. The days of cool, rad, dork, hip, and “man” are gone, kids these days like saying (just to name a few):
Dope. A new word for cool.
Beugy. Fancy…as in bourgeois.
Ratchet. Something that has a cheap feel to it.
Jank. When something is quite disagreeable.
Dank. When something is excellent in appearance, smell or taste.
Lit. Either used in the context of something is super exciting or someone is very drunk.
Down for that. A new version of I’m up for that.
Sus. Something or someone that is suspect.
Sketch. As in sketchy. Similar to sus.
Doit for the gram (modern kodak moment)
Stage 5 clinger. As in a boyfriend or girlfriend that is too clingy.
Tea. As in give me the tea. As in whats the gossip.
Wack. Out of the ordinary in several different ways.
Send it. Lets do this thing.
Extra. Dramatic and or over the top.
Let me know if you have some additional terms to add to the list for this generation that is about to come of age.
Securities transacted through StillPoint Capital Member firm FINRA/SiPC